Court will resume at 10am tomorrow.

Here is the full text of Pauline Hanna’s 2020 email to her husband Philip Polkinghorne, just read to the court by a police constable:

"l am addressing this to 'My Darling Philip'.

You know I love you more than any other person. You are my life, along with the family we have partnered to nurture and love and create a fabulous family life. I have gone out of my way to do that and we have many, many memories, happiness (and yes sometimes unhappy times) but not outside the realms of parenthood. And now with the addition of [redacted]. 

I believe I have been a good daughter-in-law, sister-in-law and aunt – I believe the Polkinghorne wider family love me and I them. Now that it is largely you and me, I was of the view that we have a really exciting, vibrant time ahead for the next 30 years, doing many of the things we love together, spending more time at the Beach, being grandparents and really enjoying – together – the fruits of all that the two of us have done. I still have bucket loads of love - I think you do too.

I have read this email and reread it so many time and the devastation I feel that I appear to have let you down so badly. 

I am gutted you feel you cannot talk to me – we talk most nights and have had hundreds of in-depth discussions and fun – talking about the now and the future – not always, but very frequently – and to hear now you don't feel you can do that – I don't know what to say and I don't know how it happened.

I know we have had some ugly times in the last 18 months – each time I attempt to take on board what you ask of me – I am by no means perfect and you say people don't change, that is correct but you can modify. For example I keep my car full, I keep $50 note in the passenger visor, I attempt to keep my car clean (I know it is not now), I have never been dirty but take on board your criticism about my handling of food, I have my text messages chime so I cannot miss your text, I make an effort to be on time ( sometimes I fail). I take my dishes down to the dishwasher in the morning, accumulate the washing so I am not using the washing machine overly. I don't every wear my bodysuits other than to work, I strive to make you proud of my work effort/ethic, I attempt to pre-empt your difficult days by encouraging you when you are in theatre, doing the dinner when I know you are tired, preparing the types of things I think you like.

l am sorry you don't think I should have paid for us to go to Sydney – firstly most of it was to do with "what happened when we went over there i.e. with Elle etc" – not saying anything more.

Yes you do spoil me – and THANK YOU – I didn't know that the $ were being stacked up in terms of "He" and "Hers".

Money is a big issue – you do take the lion's share of the load- but this email from you. I completely acknowledge your contribution and opportunity you have afforded the children and me.

However it reads as if I am a totally selfish person who contributes nothing financially – that is truly unfair – I do put my $4k away a month and the Hanna/Polkinghorne trust earns approx. $1k per month. I do shop for groceries, I do shop for things for the house, I do get flowers etc to make it nice.

I do buy you things – I do buy family gifts– I take and collect your drycleaning (or at least used to – you don't let me now as you put it under your own name!), I don't wear body suits, I don't pick up the glasses by their upper rim etc etc as you keep criticising me.

l am so sorry – you are everything to me and you have changed. I haven't, but clearly I have not read your signals.

If you want to make a change (i.e. Divorce) – please make it now before 31 JANUARY so that I can make arrangements – I am 62 in February and I do not have a range of options.

Right now I feel very scared, confused, sad and incredibly lonely.

(Only minor puncuation edits made for clarification.)

Dearest Pauline, I have felt increasing devoid in the last few months from our relationship. I feel, rightly or wrongly that I am a spectator rather than a participant. My words seem to me continually either ignored or misinterpreted, to the extent I can no longer tell you of my aspirations, goals for the future, what I want to do, what I want us to consider. If I tell you something in confidence, I am fearful that you will mention it to another and that shall I say be used against me. I will not go into those numerous examples particularly relating to my election to the Auckland Eye Board.

But on more simple day to day stuff, I don't know how you will respond to an invite to sit in the library, how tired I might be, or concerns about one activity or the other. It seems to me you don't give me a chance to tell you something without you finishing my sentence, telling me you are more tired, or stating something as you leave the room, knowing I can't hear what you say. 

More recently I feel any comment I make is answered with a barb. I am concerned you don't really listen to me. You don't want to know what I really think. I have tried on numerous occasions to discuss this with you, but inevitably it is after 9pm when you come back with a response that is usually negative. When I request a time which is less disruptive to me you invariably state you are not a morning person, ignoring the obvious that I don't want to discuss contentious issues after 8pm.

I believe I have continually tried to support you, your career, your material wants but don't feel you have any great interest in my opinion. I find often when I express my views you mount arguments against me e.g. wanting to put an offer on the Metropolis. 

Then, just yesterday was the birthday for Graham in Whangarei; when we agreed you would find the location ?? Whangarei or Auckland, and then what time. Before I knew it you told Jude we are coming. When I asked why you would state that; you said initially you thought I wanted to go, later you said it was because you thought we had to go. Well I have tried getting Air NZ flights and a charter from Whitianga, but I cant. I will leave you to tell Jude I cant come, of course I wouldn't stop you from going. 

In recent months I have acted increasingly to protect myself, I have as you may have noted. I have developed strategies to lessen my anxiety e.g. ordering an uber; when we agree I should order a taxi/uber to go home should you then change your mind, decide to delay your departure for whatever reason, I have now got an agreement/understanding when the ride arrives I will go and you can make your own way home. The same applies for catching an aircraft. I will meet you on the plane.

For many years you have asked what I want for Christmas and my stock answer has been to not ask me to borrow money from me. But in 2019, not only was that ignored but you went and got an overdraft as well. 2019 as you know was a difficult financial year for me because of the changes Ak Eye imposed in the taxes, my income reduced to approximately twice your salary. But right up until last week you were stating I hadn't taken you to Australia as much as in previous years. My response was in 25 years you have never taken me to Australia, ever! But then you have also stated you spent, I cant remember the figure you quoted, but in excess of 25K for the Europe trip earlier in 2019. I dont know how that figure came about but if you remember Liz contributed $10K to the airfare so to spend $2,500 a day seems a bit unfathomable as I certainly paid for a number of meals, the car rental, and the hotel in Paris.

In 25 years I don't think you have ever paid for the rates, water bill, insurance etc either at Upland Rd or Rings Beach, or your car for that matter. Bills that I left for you e.g. the Institute of Directors went unpaid and tragically lead to your membership being cancelled continue to pay the insurance on your car and organize the servicing and pay the speedingand parking fines. I think it was only 2 months ago I succeeded in getting your Middlemore parking payments automatically deducted from your salary instead of me paying your account. 

Again, as I have said numerous times, I don't want to lend you money, I don't want to take money out of your account next "Wednesday", I have other demands on my time and as happened at the end of November there wasn't enough money in your account to re-imburse me anyway. Yes, your contempt of money does annoy me, even stating your flights are free beggar's belief knowing it is the use my "airmiles" that is paying for those Nights, dare I say denying me a discounted flight. I have come to the recognition, belatedly that you are not going to change. I know by now the cycle of how we relate to each other, the verbal gymnastics, the overstepping of the boundaries, the barbs, and then the declaration of love, only to reboot the same pathway a week or month later. 

My options it seems are dead simple; either accept my lot or move on, apart. To help me, yes me, I have enrolled in a 3-day course called "Moving on or Up", starting tonight in Auckland. I am leaving in a few minutes and I am sorry I haven't prepared everything at the Beach. 

I don't know what the outcome of this retreat will be but to be frank without some sort of insight I am sure I will not be able to continue. If there is a pill to make it easier, don't worry I would take the bottle!! 

(Reprinted with only minor punctuation tweaks.)

Polkinghorne said he had enrolled in a three-day retreat in Auckland called "moving on, or up" and intended to return to the Rings Beach bach in the Coromandel on December 27.

"I don't know where the bucket load of love went but there you have it."

This letter was sent when Polkinghorne apparently went missing around Christmas 2019, sparking Hanna to become despondent and forcing her to lie to her family.

Justice Lang ends proceedings early for the day. 

Palmer is reading an email from Polkinghorne to Hanna in which he says he feels his words are increasingly ignored.

"If I tell you something in confidence, I am fearful you will mention it to another," Polkinghorne said.

He said he feels his wife doesn't give him a chance to say what he wants and took aim at her for not listening to him.

Polkinghorne said he did not want to discuss contentious issues after 8pm.

He said he had developed strategies to lessen his anxiety, including travelling separately to the airport.

For many years, Polkinghorne said, he had been asked what he wanted for Christmas and he had said he just didn't want her to ask for money. He went on to criticise her for not paying the rates at either their Remuera home or Coromandel bach and complained about paying her speeding and parking fines.

Polkinghorne told her he didn't want to lend her money and her "contempt for money" irritated him.

"I have come to the recognition belatedly that you are not going to change."

Another email from Hanna to Polkinghorne's son said: "I am so sorry I have been so remote".

"My life is insane and I do not know what day it is sometimes."

She said she reluctantly took the role as head of logistics for the Covid vaccine rollouts and thought her husband would be proud.

She was finding things "incredibly difficult and lonely", she told her son-in-law.

"I don't wear my bodysuits other than to work,"  Hanna wrote to her husband.

"I'm sorry you don't think I should have paid for us to go to Sydney," she said.

"I didn't know that the money was being stacked in terms of he and hers," she wrote.

The letter, read by Palmer, appears to be in response to a message from Polkinghorne alleging she contributed nothing financially. It sheds new light on the state of their marriage and Polkinghorne's demands of her.

It shows he criticised her "for picking glasses up by their rims".

"I am so sorry," she said.

"If you want to make a change, i.e. divorce, please make it now before 31 January  so I can make arrangements."

The letter goes on to say she feels very scared, sad and "incredibly lonely".

Another email from Hanna discussed an Otago High Country four-wheel-drive trip scheduled for the weekend following Easter, and taking out travel insurance for the trip.

Hanna died on Easter Monday. 

The trial heard earlier she was looking forward to the trip, according to a friend of hers.

Hanna had also sent herself an email, Palmer says. It had a document called "Philip.docx" attached, which appeared to be a letter addressed to Philip.

I am addressing this to my darling Philip, the letter said.

It told Polkinghorne she believed they had a "really exciting, vibrant" time ahead for the next year ahead.

"I still have a bucket load of love. I think you do too," she said.

Palmer quotes from the letter: "I know we have had some ugly times in the last 18 months".

The letter said she "took on board your criticism about my handling of food".

Palmer says police found a general catch-up email from Hanna to Polkinghorne's son Ben and his wife Bridget, in which there is a reference to Hanna's husband "PJP" and says he is "making progress" on his anger issues, the trial hears.

Such catch-up emails were common as Ben and Bridget live in the UK. 

Hanna tells them things are not great at Auckland Eye and the chair – not Polkinghorne – had to resign because he was having an affair with the charge nurse, she wrote. She feared they could lose up to $1 million.

In another email, she says "Philip is going to tell me all the things that are wrong with me".

In one email, Ben expresses his support to Hanna. 

Another email shows "Taine's bedroom" made up.

The photograph is useful because it shows the usual state of the upstairs bedroom. This was the guest bedroom that the Crown says was in a state of some disarray when police arrived on April 5, with an ottoman tipped over and bedding removed.

In another Google search, Hanna looked for private investigators in Auckland. 

Police found an inquiry from Hanna's Middlemore address saying she'd like to make an appointment to see someone about an infidelity investigation. There was an exchange of emails with the private investigator about a meeting or phone call in July 2020. 

But the trial heard earlier they never met or had the call.